feeling small...

So I made a few decisions. While perusing jobs on all the websites I realized that unless I go back to my old career field, there's no way I'll be able to afford to buy a house. Yet the only places I can make really good money are in DC or Virginia. I really don't want to live tehre again. I think the hour long commute to go 15 miles was just a bit too much.

So, I decided to look for something overseas. I found several jobs associated with reconstruction in Iraq and Afghanistan. While the situation there is not optimum, it seems to me that it would be good for me to go somewhere like that and feel small again. I think I need to help others, feel like a citizen of the world again so that my life and my problems don't seem like the end of the world. When I was in the AF it helped me to go on humanitarian missions or when working with people to create something new, it seemed that I was at my happiest. At least it could be cathartic.

I remember watching "The Constant Gardener" and thinking to myself that the situation in Africa or Afghanistan seemed so hopeless. Like you wouldn't really be able to make a difference for more than just one person. It seemed like it wasn't worth that sort of effort. That seemed so defeatist. I'm usually not a defeatist. It's possible that helping one person, one group or family of persons.... that might be rewarding enough to help put things into perspective for me.