So, yesterday no phone calls. Thank God. I'm sick to my stomach all the time now and I feel that fight or flight response surging through me pretty much all day long.
He's coming back from Nashville today. I'm sure he's probably going to be a pain I'm sure he's still mad at me. Not that I've done anything wrong, but when confronted with things about himself that he doesn't like he lashes out.
I felt like I had no choice but to go to his parents and ask for help. I am sure, though, that he's angry that I did so. I didn't want to talk to them about any of this stuff but he left me no choice. Without being able to trust him, I couldn't just leave everything in his hands. Without being able to feel safe here I couldn't function.
I realize I'm fixated on this now and it's all I seem to be able to write about but the fact of the matter is that I just can't see past this right now. I'm stuck. A few times a day I can look forward and be optimistic about the future, but this is here, now and in my face.
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2 comments:
Just take one step at a time - you'll be amazed how far you can get that way...
I'll bet he's pissed. Devil's Advocate Thinking: We broke up. I'm moving on, why aren't you? Why are you still going to MY parents? I realize I don't know a tenth of the details here - but you need to start thinking more about yourself and less about him now, right? Fuck it. He's not a part of your life now. To hell with him and what he does. Right?
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