the lie...

"My dad lied to me!" Ashley said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"The whole time I was growing up my parents always told me that I could do anything I wanted to do with my life. I mean, I just wanted to go to college, what's the big deal with that? I mean he said *anything.* And the day I told my dad I wanted to go to UTC he told me I wouldn't be able to do it, I couldn't get the money and he didn't think it was a good idea."

This seems like an outrageous thing. Ashley is a lovely young woman, tall and curvaceous. Absolutely statuesque. With long blonde hair and and easy smile, her slow Southern drawl melts a whole stick of butter. To have encouraged her is wonderful, to have squashed her dreams... well that seems criminal.

"I think he was scared honey. He's just a man. He was scared his little girl was growing up and going to run off to the big city and his life would never be the same," I replied, trying to offer some big sister wisdom.

"Well that was a lie then. They shouldn't have never told me that I could be anyone or have anything or do anything I wanted. They should have just told me I could get married and have babies and live down the street." Exasperation and consternation positively emanated from her every pore.

"Well you're here aren't you? Going to college. Why don't you ask your dad what he meant when he said that, if that's what you're upset about?"

"Oh no! I couldn't do that."

"Well you're a grown up, Ashley. Ask this man why you shouldn't do what you want to do."

In what at first seemed like a non-sequiter she replies, "Well there's this guy that I am really good friends with, he's so smart and so nice, and every time he sees me he gives me a big ole hug and I just really like him." And she said all of that in one breath. "I would love to date him and he's asked me out but the only thing is... he's black."

Confused, and a bit outraged, I said, "Yeah? What's that about?"

"Well I can't date a black guy, no matter how cool he is or whatever. My dad would lose his mind."

"Maybe you should ask your dad what that's about... maybe it's not really how he feels but an image he plays into or maybe it's just nonsense. Talk to him," I said, still trying to encourage her.

"It's all about control, you don't understand what that would be like for me to tell him what I'm really thinking of him."

I guess I don't.